Yes, Yet Another Perspective on Mrs. – The Movie of the Month!

I watched Mrs. two weeks ago and have since come across many articles, most of which fall into two schools of thought.

On one hand, people are brimming with empathy for the protagonist and rage against the men in her household. They are disgusted by the deeply-rooted patriarchal setup in which the woman cooks incessantly without appreciation or acknowledgment, cleans up the tacky leftovers by the men, struggles with clogged sinks and leaking water, and endures criticism from family and friends over her amateur culinary skills and "shortcuts" in cooking. She is not "allowed" to take up even a part-time job, as her mother-in-law, apparently a PhD in economics, sets a tricky precedent for her by efficiently managing these mundane tasks over the years, keeping the men of the house pampered, organized, and satisfied.

On the other hand, people argue that the movie is dated; it falls behind the times, presenting an age-old narrative of women's oppression when, according to them, society has already clearly moved past it. Some caution that the film dangerously reinforces feminist rhetoric at a time when crimes against men are rising, and biased laws are failing to address the issue fairly. Some argue that it portrays marriage as a terrifying prospect for a generation already losing faith in the institution, citing rising divorce rates and alimony disputes. Others take issue with the film’s depiction of cooking as a derogatory task, warning that it might mislead women into believing they should avoid it altogether. I also came across a perspective that criticized the film for being apathetic to men, as it does not highlight that men must have a job while women have a choice.

At the risk of receiving metaphorical joote-chappals, I must admit that this debate has been amusing. In the age of social media, having an opinion has become almost a necessity. Those of us who lack strong opinions or whose views sway or evolve are often not taken seriously. Honestly, I feel that both sides of the Mrs. debate have valid points.

The Burden of Expectations

As a working mother living on my own, the story may not entirely reflect my life. Still, I relate to many moments ranging from the disgust at washing plates of half-eaten food to the initial struggle of making round chapatis, from the taunts over yellow stains on baniyans (vests) to the dust settling on kitchen containers. As a young newcomer with "intern-level" culinary experience, adjusting to a new family is not easy, especially when you have just been uprooted from a home where you were pampered with love and care. The pressure of living up to the efficiency of our mothers is also immense; the conditioning and the realizations can be shocking. I have long stopped cleaning sinks and vests, not because I see them as degrading tasks but because I no longer have the time - I outsource them. But I still run a cleaning marathon before my in-laws visit, wiping the glass tabletops, scrubbing the mixer grinder, fluffing the cushions, and setting the curtains.

The Other Side of the Story

On the other side, the argument that laws are biased toward women and that men are often villainized is also valid. Around me, I have met men and women of all kinds. I know female friends who ended relationships because their partners couldn’t secure a job or a job that paid more than theirs. I have male friends who have been emotionally manipulated and financially exploited by women. I have seen false allegations of sexual harassment tear apart families and destroy individuals’ confidence forever. I have also met men fighting lonely battles, unable to express their struggles because "men don’t cry."

The Polarization of Opinions

I feel the need to discuss - why we need extreme positions. Why is it necessary to align with one school of thought? Why such rigid polarization? The moment I critique the movie, I am not just judged for my opinion but for an entire set of assumptions about my beliefs. The truth, maybe, lies somewhere in between. The world looks different depending on the lens we wear; in that sense, reality is subjective.

The Fluidity of Power Dynamics

My father played a key role in shifting household norms by encouraging and almost forcing my mother to outsource cooking when she began working. He consistently reassured her that our help was doing a great job. Even then, my mother insisted on cooking, though she allowed the help to chop vegetables. My dad, a big foodie, often annoys her with his obsession over the specifics of achars (pickles) and chutneys, but at the end of the day, it is usually my mother who decides who is welcome at home and who is not. Power dynamics are rarely straightforward. They never are, and perhaps they never should be.

The Competition of Misery

While Mrs. is not everyone’s movie, it is someone’s. While some men face challenges navigating biased laws, others are guilty. Each case deserves evaluation. Why do we speak of diversity, equity, and inclusion if we fail to do that? Stereotyping is convenient; it eliminates the need for nuance and effort. The real challenge lies in digging deeper and doing the work. But who will do it?

What exactly is the competition? Is it a battle of misery or a contest of who works harder? If so, perhaps we should return to an age when there were neither jobs nor the need for cooking, cleaning, or dusting. Maybe then, the competition would end.